Content – as in, “I am content with my life”
April 7, 2018
I want to talk a little about goals…
First, for 2018 and then for what I hope and pray my life will be as a for realies adult.
Phew. January was awful. Like, the worst month of my life awful. Once it ended I realized I had to figure out a more focused way to live my life. I needed to work on figuring out what made me feel like my life is worth living and hold onto those things.
Over the course of the last two months and lots of praying, thinking, and also being encouraged by the lead pastor at the church I work for I’ve come up with my top three goals for 2018.
First… Transparency. This was definitely the first word that came to my mind when I started the journey/process of discovering my purpose in 2018. That first month of 2018 was only as hard as it was because of a lack of transparency. There were secrets and things hidden in my life and the months of continuing to hide and pretend things were fine made the truth coming out so painful. I promised myself and key people in my life that I wouldn’t be hiding anything like that anymore. I’ve forced myself to talk to my friends about my feelings (yuck). I’ve become more honest about when I’m having a bad day or when I just need someone to talk to. They’ve known when I felt I needed to start going to therapy again. They’ve known when I struggled with relapsing with an eating disorder. They’ve known when I helped move my foster brothers into their new home. They’ve known when my dog has been absolutely awful. They’ve known all of the bad.
But they’ve also heard the good. Like when a Sunday morning service went well. When I’ve made a new friend. When I’ve found a new recipe I love! When a coworker has taken the time to really speak into my life.
AND GUESS WHAT.
They actually want to listen to me and learn how they can care for me better.
My friends are the coolest. love you.
For me, this transparency is a daily decision. This is not something that comes naturally and I am the first to admit it. I remember in High School I once had a friend that said, “You are the most secretive-honest person I know.” I’m quick to tell you my opinion, but I’m *so* slow to tell you how I feel or have a genuine conversation about my life. So making the choice to be transparent this year and tell people about what is really going on in my life has been extremely difficult, but it is really paying off.
Second… Resiliency. This word was never one I would have picked out on my own for myself. Luckily, my lead pastor saw it in me. Here’s the link to the podcast about what resiliency is and how to become resilient. (I’ve told you about their podcast before so just know that I love all of their episodes so far!! I listen to each one like 3 times before I move on though so I’m only on number 5). It meant so much to me that someone else was able to point out this characteristic in me and really encourage me to continue it. However, honestly, it’s a daily challenge. There were days back in January (and even more in the months prior to all the truths coming out) where it felt like there was not a single part of my being that wanted to pick myself up and keep going with life.
But I guess there was a part of me that wanted to keep going because here I am. 😉
I wanted to give up. I tried to think of ways I could at least just move back home and stop fighting to be where I am. It got much darker than that at times too. But because I had committed to transparency I was able to call friends and they were able to help me not feel so alone and remind me that I could keep fighting and going.
Life is hard.
But it stops for no one.
If you don’t fight for the opportunity to keep fighting you stop growing.
I’m grateful that this resilient part of myself was seen and pointed out by someone I deeply respect, but I am also so grateful that this is something that is somehow built into who I am and isn’t something I have to work super hard to cultivate in my life. But I am now conscious of keeping that alive.
Final one for 2018! Empowerment. I’m still trying to figure out what that needs to mean for me this year. But for now… it’s a goal. It’s something I know I need to focus on and figure out.
I’ve been really big on helping friends see that they’re story matters. Even if they feel like it doesn’t or they feel like no one else will care. So that might be what it means for the entire year. But it also could evolve into something else.
I also think it might have something to do with advocacy for others who don’t feel they have a voice in the conversations that impact them. I don’t know exactly what that is going to look like, but I do know it is important.
Basically, it comes down to my want to help people get their stories heard and help others truly hear these stories and understand what needs to change.
That’s great Caitlin.
Thanks, friend. Want to hear about what I hope and pray becomes a part of my entire life until the very end??
Yes, please! What is your life goal?!
Are you sure you’re ready? I swear, it’s so simple and small.
I want to be content.
I want to look at my life and always remember I will never have the best or be the best. But that my life is the best because I choose to see it that way and make the most of every opportunity I may have.
Did you get that?
My life is never going to be perfect.
I will never have everything in order. I will never have everything I could ever desire. I will never “have it all.” As a part of being human, I could always wish for bigger and better and look at the other side’s grass.
I want to choose every day to look at the mundane parts of life and see the joys that exist within that.
When I have a boring day at work I instead want to see that I have amazing coworkers who genuinely care for me, my boss is also an amazing mentor for this time of my life, and that at the end of the day I get to go work for one of my other jobs that may bring me even more joy.
When I look at my never-ending calendar I instead want to see a list of things I chose to participate in because some aspect of that event sounded fun and to think of all of the new people I get to meet and stories I have the opportunity to hear.
I may not know EXACTLY what I want to do with my life. But I know how I want my life to make me feel.
By daily choosing to view my life in this way… I am choosing to have the best life there is. I pray I never lose this perspective as I age.
There is something amazing to find in even the worst days. And I have had to be in some dark, dark days to truly learn and understand that.
My three joys I see while reflecting on today’s post:
- The friendships that I have invested this transparency in that are showing themselves to be truly worthwhile. I am so blessed to have the people in my life.
- Allowing the leaders I have surrounded myself with to actually speak into my life and take what they say about me as truth.
- New friendships and the ability to empower the women I’ve met recently that their story deserves to be heard so they should tell it! And sometimes that means that I am the first person to truly hear them and believe them. It’s a beautiful, but also hearbreaking thing and I am grateful to be a part of their journey.
Which of my goals of 2018 is something you would like to implement too? How can I support you in it?